Pieces of the Puzzle

Hello all!

T-minus 13 days to freedom and counting.... I say this bittersweetly. My Mother, bless her, is moving into her Independent Living apartment on September 19 in the same community where my father will be living in the brand new Memory Care Unit as of September 14 (currently he is in their Health Center receiving lots of PT, having passed the assessment to live in the new Unit). The Unit is government funded - a brand new concept for Alzheimer's sufferers, which my father is one. He is at the stage where he realizes his memory isn't sharp. For someone who has been brilliant, this is hard. At times, he has expressed his desire not to continue living. It has been horribly challenging for my Mother especially as she learns to be separated from my Father - they have never lived apart for 58 years. And she will be living alone for the first time in her life as well. For the last month or so I have been Mommy Coach, bolstering her self-esteem and confidence, showing her how to do things, reassuring her that her memory issues are due to stress and not dementia. At my last visit with my Father, I realized I needed to be Daddy Coach, too, as he is feeling as lost as my Mother. He's always been the rock of Faith. Not so much now, but definitely with a wit that will bring you to your knees, thank God/dess. And so it goes....

My Mother will move into her very own new place exactly 2 days shy of my 1 year anniversary here. Let's face it, it has been very challenging for my brother and sister and me for the last 12 months, as we've coordinated all the Dr's appointments, surgeries, tests, assessments, appointments, etc. As of September 19, 2009, I have my first night of solitude in this house. I will be here gloriously alone for awhile, then my sister, Abby, and I swap houses in October, she will buy this house, and I will rent her house, still gloriously alone, until she puts it on the market in the Spring.

Most of the time that I've been here in Indianapolis I have felt quite "invisible." It's been like trying to ground in dirty molasses - always moving, nothing solid, very strange feeling! This has resulted in me posting lots of ads for my various services. And then lots of resumes posted when the ads didn't produce any results. And my resumes brought no offers of clients or jobs either. And so the cycle has continued over this past year until recently when I realized....so what is it that I AM to do here? Whatever I DESIRE...... This last week I realized I was truly underground, truly the "troll under stairs" as I have joked since I arrived at my parents'. Be careful what you joke about, because it could be a reflection of what you think you ARE! Regardless of how squeaky clean I kept the energy in my living space, I always felt like there was a dark cloud or membrane over me that was preventing my efforts from being fruitful. Hah! That dark cloud was me preventing ME from being noticed. Why? Because I didn't want to be here, I didn't want to start a new business here because I wanted to be elsewhere. Among other things.......!

In meditation on Wednesday I connected with my Angelic self, which I hadn't done in years. I forgot how powerful I am. I forgot what I am capable of doing, what I have to offer, all of the things I am good at. I let Fear talk me back into the small "me", instead of remaining centered and focused on all of those individuals I am here to Serve (thank you, Mike Litman!). And I had forgotten to dream - BIG!!! My Angelic Self is about 25 feet tall. In girth she takes up my whole living room, from TV to stairway. Stretching herself to her full height, in no time she had poked a whole in that dark cloud, uttered a huge "I AM," and scattered the rest of it. It was then that I saw she/I had the head of an eagle/phoenix. It/I was IMMENSE and GLORIOUS! Yeah!

Eagles have been a recurring theme for me since 2005, when I came face to face with three golden eagles swooping down toward my car while driving home from the grocery on a back road in northern Colorado. Since then Sacagawea BirdWoman, presented herself fully at a woman's retreat in 2007. A client presented me with a carved stone eagle as I prepared to leave Colorado in 2008. I ceremoniously placed it in one of my trusty Honda's cup holders the day I left Boulder and it rests there still, always guiding me. When I crossed the Indiana State line September 21, 2008, I saw 10 eagles in the first 30 minutes! Quite the homecoming - I was in tears! And recently a dear and very gifted friend created a beautiful Native American rattle for me - on one side is hand-painted an eagle and inside are 24 pieces of carnelian. Eagle is very powerful medicine - strength, ferocity, vision, foresight. Courage! Soaring to great heights when we finally find the courage to do so! How many more reminders do I need??

Ah! Courage! Finally, that final sticking point! I have always thought myself quite courageous. Until I realized that I had been skirting the whole issue of courage for quite a few years now. Until I connected with the subconsious, subversive part of me who has never wanted to be "seen," who believed that they didn't deserve to BE here living, let alone seen. The one who had chosen or allowed the basement to be her dwelling place for the past 10 years. The "troll under the stairs." The one I have joked about. Well, guess what? I just let myself out of the basement. I just let my courage out! I did! That is what my eagle angel self is all about. I have broken through my cloud ceiling (thank goodness it's not glass!)

And since then, I have been on roll. I have accomplished some really cool things this last week! I have organized a Wellness and Healing fair at a great venue for October. Three Sound Healing concerts on my docket for September and October in Indianapolis and Kokomo, plus a Sound Presentation and Sound workshop in October. And the first leg of my US tour is now in place with several concerts scheduled in Austin and surrounding around New Year's 2010 with Jodi Roberts (http://www.sacredinspiration.com/), the very first person I collaborated with on my very first concert in Boulder in 2006. I was also honored to be asked to be part of a cutting edge conversation on Sound Healing in the Alignment Factor class I'm taking by Harrison Klein.

So today, I overhauled my website, dusted off the cobwebs, swept in the corners, added PayPal buttons to several of the pages for the ease of my clients, cleaned up the metatags, and sent my website off via Blastomatic.com to 12 million (yes MILLION!) advertising spots. I can't wait to see the results - all the people I can assist (and the spam.... NONE! Prepaving!). I joined Twitter, had conversations with people I didn't even know, including offering an explanation of Sound Healing to an elderly couple in the elevator at the community where my parents will live.

Pieces of the puzzle floating gently down to fit nicely in the scheme of things. Nine and one-half months to lift-off..... Guess where I will be by then!?

May you be peaceful this week! Om Shanti!

Mindy